Let's remember to breath

My three year old has recently started kindergarten and for the first time in her life she's been forced to spend time away from me...against her will.

The other day, for the tenth time in the past couple of weeks, her inability to cope with not getting her way culminated in an arm swing and a hit, this time with me as a receiver. My first reaction (yes, I was caught quite unprepared to this kind of outburst directed at me) was a feeling of anger, self-righteousness..."how dare you treat me like this after all that I do for you???"...But then I remembered to breath and the words "don't take it personally" came to mind. I stopped focussing on me, myself and I, and asked myself: "what is my daughter trying to communicate right now? What feelings are fuelling her behaviour?" I began to reflect on the changes in her life, the start of Kindy, the kind of play she engages with her older sister who often tries to micromanage every movement and word of hers, and my 'distracted fall into the speed of social commitments, demands, duties and life'. At that point I decided to slow down, to empathise with her feelings, to intentionally allow her more freedom to be involved in the decision making process, whenever possible at least, and all of a sudden there was a turn in her mood, in her way of relating to us.

At a later moment we talked about acceptable ways of expressing frustration and anger, and since her 'thinking brain' wasn't hijacked by those strong emotions, she was more receptive.

We need to remember that it is not always about us, in fact often times our children's, spouses', friends' emotional outbursts are expressions of their unmet needs, fears, insecurities.

Let's remember to breath...