A language which encourages change...

There is a widespread misconception amongst adults where it is believed that by shaming, embarrassing or using sarcasm (at the "best" of times), they will induce a change in the child's "unacceptable" behaviour, when this causes them a problem... But if only we stopped before uttering those words and asked ourselves "what is driving the child's behaviour? what's the feeling fuelling the behaviour?", and in this attempt, checked in with those feelings, we would be able to gain a clearer understanding of his/her internal landscape.

The more we load our interactions with criticising and judgmental words, the more we contribute to and advance a self-fulfilling prophecy. A language that conveys acceptance of the child, though not necessarily of the behaviour, coupled with a clear, brief and simple explanation of how their actions are impacting our needs, would lead to greater chances of an alteration of that behaviour. Misinterpretation of words and actions can be greatly reduced if we kept an open, honest and respectful communication with our children.

What we are asked here is to radically change our disposition towards our children and instead of viewing them as 'our possession which we must control', seeing them as companions on this journey of parenthood, with rights of their own to possess their own ideas, characteristics, tendencies and interests. And when 'conflicts' arise, we are asked to develop skills to find a solution which is a positive one for all parties involved...If we do this already with our partners and friends, why don't we with our little ones? why do we relate to our ever-so pure, vulnerable and delicate children in such imposing, dismissing and controlling ways?